I have recently been struggling through quite a "dry spell" spiritually. To be honest that is part of why I haven't blogged in a while. I felt like I had nothing that I wanted to say. At the risk of being misunderstood, I am going to be very honest, hoping that it will help others facing the same thing.
I have been struggling with some deep anxieties, discouragement and depression in the past few months. I've been down about almost everything and have been unable to pull myself out of it. I guess that was the problem. I was trying to pull myself out of it and it hasn't worked. I tried going to the Lord through prayer and the Word, but honestly, it didn't take away my problems, so I just began to give up and push God away. I thought I could handle it on my own. I am very aware that there is a physical element to depression. And this post by no means denies that, but there is also a VERY spiritual aspect to depression.
When we as believers make it a habit to look to ourselves, comforts, or others for strength instead of our Savior, we are crippling ourselves. Soon those things give way to fear and lonliness and we are worse off than when we started.
No matter the issue of discouragement or anxiety, we need to learn to LEAN on the Lord, fully satisfying ourselves in Him.
After months of pushing the Lord away, the Holy Spirit broke into my heart this morning, giving me HOPE. I woke up this Saturday morning feeling despertately in need of my Savior. I spent much needed time in prayer-repenting, seeking, and praising. A desire welled up within me that had not been there for some time. Could this have come from my heart? Certainly not! My heart is desperately evil and wicked above all things. This came from the hand of the Holy Spirit. He graciously broke into my calloused heart to reveal my sin and my NEED for his grace.
I went to His word and He "opened my eyes to see wonderous things out of His Law". I was reading through Philippians and I got to verse six in chapter one and I was just stunned by a verse I have read so many times before. The verse reads, " And I am sure that God who began the good work in you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again." He has promised to continue the good work of faith, which he began in me. And not only continue it.... but continue it until it is FINALLY finished. What a blessing! What a blessing that I don't deserve!
The second passage that I came to was Philippians 2:13, " For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey Him and the power to do what pleases Him."
It is God who is working in me to bring about desire for spiritual things. It's only by his grace and his power that I do what pleases Christ.
I know that this doesn't mean the road will be easy from here on out, but I do know that God is Sovereign and that His grace is sufficient for me in my weakness.